A Girl Named 'Grateful'

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Gratitude, or Gratus, a Latin word from the mid-16th century, signifies pleasing or thankful. It's an ancient term that still resonates in the essence of a girl like me—a girl named Grateful.

In some cultures, parents name their children based on their aspirations or significant events, imbuing the name with profound meaning. For this girl, her name carries weight, symbolizing her potential to bear responsibilities as she grows.

I may not have the courage to reveal my real name, but I am brave enough to share my story. I've spent much of my life narrating others' tales from my viewpoint, but now it's time to unveil my own. So call me Grateful—anything but my given name.

In my culture, gratitude is instilled in us from a young age. Regardless of its form, it's an obligation every Filipino child must honor. We're taught to revere adults who assist us, regardless of our personal feelings towards them. Growing up with this mindset can lead to internal conflict, as seen in many Filipino children.

"Utang na loob," a Filipino ideal, underscores the concept of repaying debts, even those incurred before our birth. It's the notion that children are their parents' retirement plan in times of need. Witnessing young adults trapped in this cycle drove me to vow never to succumb to it, yet here I am.

Describing it as a chip on my shoulder falls short—it's a haunting presence, a constant source of fear. Despite my desire to break free from my hometown, I'm tethered to it by this obligation. Where does a young person like me find restitution for debts I never incurred?

I yearn to live for myself, yet I struggle to reward myself or acknowledge my achievements. At times, I blame myself for showing promise at a young age. Gratitude has taught me that this cycle never ends.

I refuse to live solely to repay debts. It may sound selfish, but I no longer wish to be a grateful child. I want to prioritize myself, to be selfish for once. But as I pour out my inner frustrations, I realize I'm reverting to who I've always been—a deeply grateful child.

Despite my regrets, there's one debt I'm eager to repay—a better future for those who follow. Having spent my formative years settling inherited debts, shaping a brighter tomorrow should be straightforward.

I envision future generations living without the burden of perpetual indebtedness, embracing responsibility without being enslaved by familial loyalty—a toxic cycle I hope to break.