ESL Teaching Files: A Talk About Failure

Photo by Viktoria Goda

 "Is it okay to fail in your country?"

This question caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting it from any of my students. It made me feel concerned for a moment. From my many years of scrolling on the internet, I know that cultures vary, and so does the concept of what is acceptable and what is not.

We live in a time where self-expression has already started becoming a norm, and conformity is only a few generations away from being obliterated. I picture a world where anyone can seek happiness and have even better chances of attaining it. But before anything else, I need to give you, my readers, an overview of the situation.

The Student

Mr. Gum is a good student. Despite his seniority, he has always been insightful and burning with curiosity. Spending those very few weeks with him has been very educational for me. On that note, he also learned a few things about Filipino culture, so I guess it would make for a somewhat complete Filipino travel experience. He has a kind smile. The type that can put anybody at ease, which is something I wasn't really expecting from an uncle in his 50s.

Mr. Gum came to the Philippines to learn English, travel a little bit, and give his sons a good vacation, which seems to have worked too well because nobody wanted to leave at the end of their stay. Nevertheless, they have to go home because school's about to start very soon.

The Teacher

I have a curiosity for everything that piques my fancy. I like to explore cultures, stories, art, and even a bit of tech. I like devouring every bit of knowledge I feel like snacking on because it makes me feel even more useful in general. When I was younger, people used to call me a "Walking Dictionary" for obvious reasons. Now, I'm kind of like a "Walking Thesaurus," which I prefer more than the latter. (It sounds like a dinosaur, by the way.)

I landed this role because I like meeting strangers, sharing my knowledge, and being near to my work in general. Also, I prefer to work during the day because I like to stay awake during the night doing my writing, listening to podcasts, and exploring the web.

The Encounter

He was one of my first batch of students. To be honest, it was a little intimidating teaching an adult English as a Second Language, but I managed to pull through. Our book was all about speaking as I was his Speaking Teacher, so it didn't take me long to know almost everything there is to know about his country and learn a little bit more from his perspective.

According to Mr. Gum, failure is a prominent thing to witness in his country. However, the results were often met with negative views and mostly shame. Like most cultures, public shame is a prevalent problem, especially in a corporate or social setting. Chances to redeem oneself can be very slim and sometimes even riskier. And so, he asked me my most dreaded question.

Photo by Markus Winkler

"Is it okay to fail in your country?"

"Well," I said. "Not necessarily per se. Failure is okay because here in the Philippines, we tend to believe in second chances. Especially if the employer or a person believes in the Three-Strike rule. Did you miss a deadline at work? One strike. Did it again for the second time? You get a formal warning. Did it the third time? Go and have a retraining or simply quit. There are so many possibilities to choose from. There's no shame in that (I think)."

Even so, the idea of people giving chances very openly sounded a little foreign to him, but I tried my hardest to explain it. When asked about the root of his question, Mr. Gum just lightly shrugged and told me that he's just kind of worried about his sons, that's all.

"How so?" I asked him.

"In my country," he said, "...everything is always fast. Very fast. Like a race." He says this without some sort of reservation.

Here's a rough translation of what he said:

"Everyone is always trying to get to the top because success is always connected to higher grades and higher social status. Even parents like him want the best for their kids despite knowing that no child can have everything. Even so, they still like to hope for them to live better lives in all aspects. He was talking about the essence of success as not reserved only for becoming rich or having better jobs. He wanted them to become decent, happy people with a zest for life."

He was talking about his kids growing up to be responsible adults all while enjoying their childhood for now. I think the idea of losing more time with his kids once school starts is looming over him. He also mentioned how he liked watching over them and seeing them grow into their own person and actually have fun as children should.

I like the way he talks about the mundane happiness that normal people usually experience. It gives me a sense of hope that really looks forward to raising his kids with an open mind. Based on our previous conversations, I could infer that he was talking about the good life and not the conventional one.

"You know, our neighborhoods have a lot of playgrounds but no kids." This is what he said when we were having a discussion topic about kids in general. He also highlighted the strangeness of it all because they usually have their kids stay in school the majority of the time so it doesn't make sense to build playgrounds just for show. Even so, he has shown awareness and highlighted how the past has influenced the way adults treat children in their society so it was all good. I think it just made him feel better to be heard and listen to himself acknowledge what has been bothering him all this time.

In their country, the court of public opinion is always at an all-time high, which pressures most people, especially teens, to succumb to the world of social media. We see it a lot from people going viral for some of the weirdest of things and even the number of celebrities disappearing from the limelight and being treated like it's just another day. From my perspective, it is easier to be lonely in a place like that.

I'd be lying if I said that I only listened to him. This conversation happened in the confines of my classroom. As long as the students are in my space, I make it a point to maintain my classroom as a safe space for my students. He was there to ask me a bunch of questions, so I delivered. I even shared a few snippets about my childhood and upbringing, giving him options and other perspectives he can explore all for the sake of giving his children a better childhood.

"It's never too late, Mr. Gum," I said.

In the end, Mr. Gum never really changed. I'm guessing that he has always had these thoughts, questions, and mindsets. He was just in a different place that typically follows the status quo. Having these conversations may have confirmed some of his well-hidden beliefs. Sometimes, being heard is more than enough next to the idea of being validated.

Conclusion

Photo by Hunter C

All in all, I learned a lot about the vast differences when it comes to culture, generations, and society. What's right for him could be strange for us and the same thing applies on their end. Despite all that, I am glad that I got to pick his brain to satisfy my curiosities and learn straight from the source. We did manage to agree on one thing: that children have a right to be children despite the ever-changing times and the undeniable influences of a fast kind of living. I wished him the best, of course. I even managed to give him a little gift to send him on his way.

The whole experience made me grateful for what I had. I could confidently say that I had a better childhood than most kids my age. I get to learn how to practice self-control, do what is best for me, be open to varying opinions, and learn how to be mindful. How the concept of failure was never really all about the damages that were made. It was all about the actions that we partake in to respond to them.